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A bloke bought a new Mercedes and was out on the motorway for an evening spin. It was a gloriously hot sunny evening, the top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind...

My Wife after I told her she was'nt getting a new fridge!

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.""Curious about sex?" replies Mary's...

A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise...

What do we want? An end to Tourettes. When do we want it? ****.

My dog ate a condom last night.Try explaining that to the vet as it's hanging halfway out of his arse. :shock:

The police came to my front door the other night holding a picture of my wife. The Constable said, "Is this your wife sir?" Shocked I answered, "Yes" He said, "I'm afraid I have to tell you that it looks like she’s been hit by a bus." I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

During the 2nd half of the Champions League Final Alex Ferguson remonstrated with the 4th official to introduce a ball. Confused the official told Alex that there was already one on the pitch to which Ferguson replied,'I know but Barcelona are using that one!' :lol:

The 3 women in Ohio held captive for 10 years have been interviewed live on CNN news. All 3 had the same question .... Have Arsenal won anything yet?

Ken Barlow, Stuart Hall, Kevin Webster, Rolf Harris, Freddie Star, Jim Davidson... Tel you what, the prison pantomime is gonna be good this year!

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm. - A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball (a bit bigger than a cricket ball). - It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. - The attachment of human muscles to skin is...

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." His wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Hey, Leonardo, many thanx. Luky

Hi Mark. That was a really good 'ask', and I also would like to see ideas for trade plans. Pretty please.

Ha, found it. Sorry 'peeps' but I introduced myself in the chill out thread :oops: Hello to All. My name is David (lukyman will do). Have just returned from 3 weeks holiday in Philippines. It was while there, scouring anything to do with forex, that I came across this site and 'enlisted' as...

Hi The Forex Guy, thanx for yr prompt reply, and yeah, Have just found the thread :oops:

p.s..where have all the other 'squaddies' introduced themselves?

Sorry people if this isn't the place to post but I have searched the forum and couldnt find where to say hello and introduce myself. So, hello to all ranks. My name is David but lukyman will do. Have been trading, on and off, a couple of years but am still quite wet behind the ears. I got into...